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Cautionary Tale

from Dead Reckoning by Kate Fenner

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about

Another song for painters and poets. First verse refers to Joan Mitchell, second to Elizabeth Bishop (with some exact quotes from interviews); the third verse is for Fanny Howe, and quotes some of her lines from "Love and I". I wrote on Fogo Island, off the coast of Newfoundland, watching icy waves crash the shoreline mere days before initial global pandemic shutdown.

lyrics

Cautionary Tale

I won’t—with your girdles and hose, and your men slow as bears—
I’ll be your cautionary tale

Blank space, white noise, go til the paint runs dry
When it doesn’t work sometimes you know but you don’t know why
Yellow jumping, blue going, it comes together then it’s there
It takes time, it’s not fast, no you don’t get a hit fast on that
And i’m thinking, “So you fail—why don’t you have a good time?”
I don’t know, the paining rests, won’t end til it stops asking questions.
“Fine sweets,
You’re a spoiled girl.
You want it all ways.”

But I won’t…

How annoying, I keep saying things are like other things
There seems no help for it, the light work of a poet
Do you have many defenses—ha!—can you ever have enough
Observing from my high cliff, the wind is fierce the coast is rough
And memories of loneliness, the loneliness of being born,
Trial and error, watchful sight, the years it took to get it right—
And I drank
Til my face was blue
Wouldn’t you?

You think you can? It’s a tough life, not for the faint of heart.
What you look at hard looks hard back at you
With judgement and pity—can your soul bear such scrutiny?

Everything seemed like something else, bits of the world slipped into place.
One has fight but it full of fear, one has none but is brave.
Who would you rather sit beside, which one will take you by the hand?
What can’t but must I recognize, everywhere my thoughts grow wild and
What of these others, these serious ones? Listen, we did our best—
Acts of failure and of trust, stars without light hold the others up
Still I sat
At the feet of men
Fair witness

But I won’t, with your girdles and hose and your men full of air
I’ll be your cautionary tale.

credits

from Dead Reckoning, released January 15, 2023
Stéphane San Juan, all the drums and percussion. Tony Scherr, guitar and acoustic bass. Agustin Uriburu on cello.

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Kate Fenner New York, New York

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